And Life Goes On…

On August 24th, 2010 my father succumbed to a 2 year battle with Lou Gerhigs disease and passed away to heaven, or the other side, or whatever you may like to refer to as the other existence our soul resides in when it escapes our body.  I was numb for quite some time. So numb, in fact, I felt like my father took part of me with him when he left and it’s the main reason I haven’t even been able to write. I had to let my body process the emotions before I could think to string together sentences.  For the first week or so I cried endless amounts of tears.  The pain was immeasurable. I could do nothing but curl up into a ball and merely exist. I ate, slept, and watched movies for a good month. Being alone was completely out of question.  Facing death is something I never thought I would have to do so soon.

 However, I am pleased to report that it has now been almost two months since his passing and I am finally somewhat stable emotionally. I have bad days here and there, but the good outweigh the bad, and that’s all one can really hope for in this situation. I am fearful that my seasonal affective disorder (yes I have diagnosed myself) and the holidays may halt my progress, but I still see the glass half full and refuse to let it break my spirit. Grief is an awkward and disorderly process, but in the end I think it is something we ultimately must endure in order to value just how precious life is.

 Since my dads passing I have learned to appreciate every moment I live RIGHT NOW.  I take an extra moment to gander at something beautiful or more time to reflect on memories that make me feel good.  I will not be the person who is 80 saying I wish I had done this or I wish I had done that. Furthermore, I have decided to conquer some of my fears, because when you live in fear of anything you are not truly living.  I am going to learn to surf and I am in some way shape or form going to get over this clausterphobia of mine. When I start getting mad about something trivial or stupid I think about what he went through and I breathe. Simply breathe. My dad has become my center. Before he left he said that if he was reincarnated he would come back as me because I know how to have a good time! J  Well dad, I won’t let you down. Good times WILL BE HAD!  I love you and miss you. Always in my <3.

~Live to Inspire~

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Angie Sears
    Oct 20, 2010 @ 15:20:23

    Bobbi ~ it’s good to see you’re working your way back to your perky and somewhat crazy self. I have been thinking a lot about you and how you’re coping with such an immense loss. I know how hard it is to get over the loss of someone so close to your heart. And I’ve found that the best medicine is learning to smile, and then learning to live again.

    It’s great to hear that you’re on the path to healing. I have always admired your spirit and I hope the road ahead continues to get easier for you. Keep smiling.

    Angie

    Reply

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