What I’ve learned through the eyes of my father

I’ve been visiting my dad more frequently these days, although it still pains me to see him in his condition.  You better believe that there is no way in this world I am going to be sitting at his funeral wishing I could have done more or said something different to make  his passing easier.  The ALS is beginning to take a toll on the rest of his body and he has just become accustomed to getting around in his donated wheelchair.  It was quite a shock to see him in the wheelchair the other day at the zoo and I really didn’t  know what I had got myself into, but like anything new and challenging you have to push forward and deal with the obstacle at hand. I could tell he was feeling annoyed at the fact that we had to push him  around all that day,  but at least he has swllowed a small amount of  pride and allowed us to care for him. 

I can’t begin to describe what I’ve learned about life through the eyes of my father in the past year and a half.  I feel like  I’ve been reborn. Every little moment is  precious.  That day at the zoo when I met up with him I could sense everything around me in its purest form. The flowers smelled more fragrant, the sun was shining, and the universe was perfectly aligned for a day of family bonding.  I was taking  pictures on my camera, but even more pictures in my head.  My father has been keeping a journal and writing comedic stories about his past and present  and it just inspired me to do the same. He said that he doesn’t know anything about his great grandfathers and he wanted to write it so that  future family generations could understand who he was.  At that moment I thought how simple yet revolutionary his idea was.   There is no better feeling than having a connection with a family member and knowing where your traits stem from.

I’ve always been a fairly strong person, and this situation has made me crumble from time to time,  but my father has taught me that even the strong are allowed to be weak.  It doesn’t make you a strong person to hold everything inside. In fact,  it is quite the opposite, because people who are afraid to show their vulnerable side live in fear.   And why is it that society teaches us to be so strong anyhow?  Well, that is a whole other topic that we’ll save another  blog for.

So anyhow, thank you dad.  Thank you for making me appreciate life and treating every day as if it were my last. I have always lived by this philosophy, but I never truly felt it until now. You have shown me the world in a new light and I am forever grateful.  And for those of you reading, I’m going  to try and throw some less tear-jerkish material on here soon. Sorry:)  lol   This really is my only form of therapy.

~Live  to inspire~

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5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Brett
    Mar 27, 2010 @ 12:23:30

    Beautiful, you inspire me

    Reply

  2. Shannon
    Mar 27, 2010 @ 14:21:21

    Bobbi,
    Very inspirational little one. I’m going through similiar things with my family. Thanks for reminding me where I need to keep my radar pointed.
    You’re writing is fun too. I love those days like yours at the zoo. It’s like time almost slows down and you live “in the moment” rather than having to only remember it..
    Shan

    Reply

  3. Esther
    Mar 27, 2010 @ 14:52:42

    SO, from now on, when you are feeling like you can’t win – read your OWN blog! I am crying here, Bobbi. You really are stronger than you think at times, and you are absolutely right, when things are at there worst, just push on through to the other side. Glad to see you are getting some great quality time with your dad and seeing that family connection. ❤

    Reply

  4. Leah Fedorov
    Mar 27, 2010 @ 22:02:49

    I’m really happy to read this and be reminded of what a strong and beautiful person you are Bobbi! And as for this being your only form of therapy- hope you remember you have friends that love you and will always be here to have a shoulder to lean on when you feel those crumbling moments.

    Life is precious, and we could all use a reminder of that at times, just as you have.

    xoxo – Leah

    Reply

  5. AO
    Jul 02, 2010 @ 00:33:26

    ha if i had tear ducts they might be used at this point..Seriously love him, tell him everything you think you will wish you could have…I lost my father last year..so yeah..i know i dont know you that well but i respect you alot just by what ive read..I am in no way saying i know what or how you feel or i can relate…im just someone else who feels for you and wants you to know that your pretty awesome and deserve to smile!!!

    Reply

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