Cabin Fever

I have not worked for about a week now, and under normal circumstances this would be a down right joyous occasion.  I would be perusing my home away from home (the mall of course) for the crap I think I need to be spending money in order to make my life complete. Well, you know that red jacket I bought that looks oh so similar to the one Michael Jackson wore in Thriller IS an absolute necessity,so I don’t want to hear any flack from you naysayers out there. Sometimes an article of clothing is just cute enough to make me do cartwheels down the escalator in a tutu. I would be planning my next venture out on the town with a few of these crazy friends of mine and we’d end up doing something insanely mind-boggling which we wish we could say we were inebriated for.

Oh anyhow, the point here is that these are NOT normal circumstances. As we speak, there is an accumulation of 3inches of snow topped with ice outside my window.  What is the deal? I don’t think I remember seeing this much snow since the storm of 86′ when I lived with that pet penguin in the igloo I carved for myself.  This apartment bound life has left me with a serious case of cabin fever, but I have also learned  to value many of the things I take for granted on  daily basis. I’ve learned that….

1.  Laziness breeds laziness.  I have had more time than any to wash my laundry, clean my closet, scrub the toilet, and do a myriad of other things I usually never have time to do. Instead, I am watching movie after movie withering away like a lifeless turd. What gives?  Why am I more productive when I’m constantly moving and working? Odd.

2.  The gym is a valuable tool for exercise and should be used more frequently. I am sorry gym, for gradually making you my last priority, and I vow that once this blizzard is gone and my car is in driveble condition I will come and sweat my tail off until you have been utilized to your maximum potential. By the way, is it considered cheating if I stop at Dairy Queen afterwards?  All that I know is, I miss running. Yes, you heard right, I miss RUNNING.

3.  The tanning bed is an extremely underrated form of heat therapy. It’s my alone time. It’s my time to think and pretend I’m laying on  tropical island being served by my disgustingly hot oiled up cabana boy. Oh the times we’ve shared tanning bed. Remember the time the fly got in and I had to chase it around the room to get rid of it?  I miss you and will be there soon.

4.  If you have enough crazy girls, you could end up putting nutmeg in your water, making love to a jukebox, running around in a sants helper costume, squirting a taco sauce package on the wall, and videotape yourself doing a cheesy 80’s aerobic workout all in the name of fun.  Did I mention putting on your bikini in the snow? I mean, not that I speak from experience or anything.

5.  Work! I miss work! What?? I mean, not that I really want to go to work, but I kind of miss socializing with people that I might normally never get chance to socialize with. It’s kind of strange.

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